no game to report today, but i think you will enjoy this more.....

in case you didnt know, i work at a crappy place called miraclebeam. actually, i don't work anymore, i just sit here and watch my panda tai online (http://animal.discovery.com/cams/pandavidr.html), watch 24 season one, surf the net, and talk to brad on aim.

that's what i do at work.....

but what does my boy andy do at work? this is how sweet he is....

we have a tv with a dvd player at work, so andy decides to take it and put it under his desk so he can watch his movies. so what kind of movies does andy prefer to watch.....the kind where men and women have sexual intercourse. some people call it porn, i call it well scripted sex documentaries. its not even current porn...its porn from the 80's.

here are some porn titles in case you want to rent them at your local blockbuster:

-deep oral ladies, volume 3
-cream facials, team cream
-cream facials, more than a mouthful
-fierce fucking, killer blow jobs
-wet 21, cotton panties

and my favorite....

white chicks, black dicks, and mo!

in case you dont believe me, here is a timeline of andy watching porn today:

10:02 am....















10:08 am....















see....im not making this stuff up. i think joe is enjoying it too.

10:36 am.....















andy's exact words, "you know how this is cheap porn? the guy's dicks are small."

11:36 am....















yup....still watching.

12:10 pm....















i think he's watching something else now. yeah......

12:41 pm....















notice his facial expression never changes. is he bored or taking notes?????

1:15 pm.....















2:23 pm....















even wally needed a quick porn break.

3:34 pm....















joe is back to keep andy company.

3:58 pm....















my camera battery finally died, but i think i could have gotten one more hour of pictures. i love asking andy a question and having to call his name at least five times before he answers me. i guess i know how jen feels when she calls me while im watching sports.

i hope andy doesnt get pissed, but i had to do this. to show him how sorry i am, im gonna bring him some good porn tomorrow. none of that 80's shit....

broncos vs. chargers.....december 31, 2005:

i swear, nothing good ever happens when it involves me and the chargers. if i bet on the the chargers, they lose. if i bet against them, they win. if i go and watch them play.......it rains!!!!!! you know what's even better? when you actually bring a jacket and raincoat, but you decide to leave it in the car. it probably won't rain, right......"knock on wood"

so brad and i leave my house at 9:30 and we decide to go to mcdonalds to pick up some breakfast. after finishing my breakfast and oj, my stomach tries to tell me something. what did he say, you ask....."you better find a bathroom soon, cause i can't hold this shit in any longer! oh yeah, don't be stupid and eat at sushi cafe too. trust me....you will regret it!" i should have listened to him. who would have known how wise my stomach is????

so we finally get to san diego at 11ish and i run to wendy's to use their bathroom (not wendy tai...cause she's hot). guess what....their toilet is broken. so where do i end up going....party city baby! i guess that place lives up to its name, cause i had a hell of a time in their bathroom, although i think i would of had more fun at the pants party....

















....but good times were had. brad was so jealous, he wanted in on the fun too.....

















after our search for the bathroom, we headed over to the tram that takes us into the stadium. we figured it would be better than being stuck in the stadium parking traffic and it would save a lot of time and money too. yeah......not so much.

















this is us at the tram station waiting for it to come....hehehe. notice how dry we are in this picture.

we finally get to the stadium and im so glad we got tickets to game. it was sooooo fun! of course, when i say fun, i really mean painful. when i say painful, i really mean a slow and torturous death.

just imagine being at a game where it doesnt really matter who wins or loses. then, picture it raining hard in the middle of the first quarter (no regrets with my decision to leave my jacket in the car at all). finally, having to sit in front of loud drunk cholos and listening to them yell stupid shit and being too afraid to tell them to shut the fuck up. i wanted to take a picture of them, but brad and i decided it would be in our best interest to live by not taking a stupid picture for this blog. i say it was a good call on our part.

here is a sample of what the cholos were saying during the game:

cholo #1: kick it to the fie....kick it to the fie!!!!!!!!
cholo#2: tackle the gay fawwwker!!!!
cholo#3: kill him ay!!!!
cholo#1 or #2 or #3: denver fuckin' sucks!!!!!
cholo #2: go charger!!!!!

first of all...it's five with a "v" damn it. secondly, the broncos don't suck. the broncos just scored and the chargers aren't even trying. i guess they've already given up on the season, as evident by the final score....

















lastly, there is an "s" at the end of chargers. i swear.....is it that hard to say "lakers" or "chargers"? of course these guys win "douche of the game" honors....hands down!

this game seems eerily familiar. it felt like deja vu (not the strip club).....

















yes....liquid blue! the same "liquid blue" at the clippers kings game. this time they were a lot better. they just sang the song like how it was supposed to be sung and they looked good too. i guess they took my advice. i can't believe they read my blog. i'm so honored. see....this blog is about constructive criticism, not tearing down. yeah....

right after the ladies finished their performance, what do brad and i see next.....

















derrick adrian???? yo adrian (in frank stallone's voice) !!!! i hope she says no....

at least it stopped raining by the end of the game....

















uh....wait, no it didnt. fuck rain, that wet whore!

after the game, i came to a conclusion. this game pretty summed up my year in a nutshell. nothing good happened this year. when i had the chance to make the obvious pick, i decide to go against myself and take the opposite. of course i am not referring to me and sports betting, cause who's dumb enough to bet on sports? unless its the wnba, then its okay.......

okay, maybe im stretching it a little, but dont you see the irony?????

because of this, for my new year's resolution, i will do the following three things:

1. stop sports betting. not regular betting, just sports betting. well, maybe i'll just bet on the wnba and the winter olympics. hmmmm.....
2. read "the da vinci code" before the movie comes out
3. save miraclebeam

eh...i guess doing two out of three isnt too bad. miraclebeam can kiss my ass!!!!!!!!

i hope everyone has made a new years resolution list. i think everyone should try and better themselves in some way. if not, at least try not to steal cable. george foreman doesn't like people who steal cable. cause stealing cable will make him mad, and you don't want george foreman to be mad....















happy new year everyone and stay classy san diego!

kings vs. clippers.....december 27, 2005:

oh my god, i can't believe i guessed the correct score for tonights game......

















amazing!!!!! i should become a sports prognosticator or sports handicapper. maybe i should just gamble on sports, since im so good. easy money right.....right???????

anyway, the kings come into tonight's game having the worst record in the pacific division and they're missing three of their starters. so what do they decide to do you ask? they kick the clippers' asses....at home!!! the game wasn't even close. the clippers trailed from start to finish. it was so frustrating watching this game. since you weren't at the game, let me try and help you understand how i felt.

it's like listening to kevin federline's newest single, "popozao". you're sitting there listening to the song and you think to yourself....wtf????!!!!! how is this possible? how the fuck is this guy famous? he's like me with the softball bat....useless. yet he has more money than i do and he got to bang britney when she was very bangable??? yeah...lifes totally fair.

oh yeah, if you want to hear "popozao", please send me an email and i will send you the song....courtesy of brad of course. it is sooooo good. when i say good, i really mean shit. and when i say shit, i really mean he deserves to have acid thrown in his face.

so how does this have anything to do with the game? i don't know, but both things made me mad, so im gonna go with that.

so i come to the conclusion of why the clippers lost....

















yup....it was all brad. brad, my friend...you suck!!!!! not brad miller....you!!! i guess our magic only works at angel games. our record together this past year at angel games was 8-1. we even went to del taco before the game....

















why did i include this picture? just in case you guys didnt know what del taco looks like. i wouldn't want you to accidently go to taco bell instead. everyone knows taco bell in spanish means instant diarrhea. just lookin out...

so back to game ....i want to give brad the opportunity to prove that there is no real correlation between him going to the game and the clippers losing, but i don't have any games left, so too bad. let's just say we should just use "the force" with angel games.

since the game really sucketh....here are some highlights from tonight:

before we get to the game brad and i bump into olmedo saenz. in case you don't know who he is, he is the dodgers' partime first baseman and full time trash compactor....






















yes....this is his actual size. he just doesn't know when to stop eating!

as we arrived at our seats.....who do we see??? ex-wwf wrestler, "superfly" jimmy snuka!!! i guess he is now working for the clippers' security team.....

















in case you don't know what he looked like in his good old wrestling days, here is a picture for you to compare....



















see...i don't just make this stuff up.

for tonight's game, this girl group "liquid blue" sang the national anthem.....

















i swear, they should just change their name to "make your ear's bleed because we are just trying way to hard to sound different". that is another pet peeve of mine. just sing the frickin song. dont try to make it your own. this is the national anthem you are singing. just look pretty, show some boobage, and sing the song like how it is written. is that too much to ask?????? if you're going to deviate from the song, you should at least do the "step" like r. kelly. but i digress....

i know, this is getting kind of long, but i still have to name my douche of the game.

drum roll please.....

















.....guy who asks the girl to marry him at the basketball game!

i hate this too! yes, i am just full of hate. come on, are you that big of an attention whore???? what if she says no? then what? i guess you just look like an ass in front of 16,000 people. eh...no biggie (in chinese it would be gao gao. like the notorious gao gao panda. su lin's dad. i just had to add that in). i was hoping she would say no. of course the bitch said yes. just kidding, i only say that because they're sacramento fans. i hope they live happily ever after.....like the shitty tv show.

finally, after the game we head back to brad's car and guess what? willy wonka is having a contest and hes handing out a golden ticket to visit his chocolate factory. lucky brad found one of the golden tickets....


















oh wait....that's just a ticket for not having a front license plate. damn parking enforcement! i swear they have nothing else better to do. bitches!

so this is the first game of our doubleheader. ill be back to post our visit on saturday to san diego or as they would say in german "whale's vagina", to see the chargers play the denver broncos.

same bat time, same bat channel......