in case you haven't heard, i quit miraclebeam. i finally left that hell hole. i am now working at this place called abm engineering. its a nice place, but i have no internet and i have to work twice as hard! i email back and forth with joe and brad, but its not the same as aim.

so i was sitting at my desk today, thinking of jobs or things i might look into. i narrowed it down and i decided im going to be an actor.

think about it...actors make millions of dollars and they get to make love on camera with other hot actresses. it doesn't get better than that. you get paid to make out and "pretend" to have sex. i can also tell jen, "im just working dear. i don't really get turned on making out with heath ledger, i mean rachel mcadams." you can join cool cults like scientology tooo!!!! all glory unto xenu.....

i've been working on my method acting, tell me what you think:

excited or playing a retard.....
















sad....

















scared....

















frustrated......

















furious (after losing my money) .........

















witnessing a miracle....

















oh....all the fans and groupies i'll get to bang. i cant wait!!!!!!!

lakers vs. clippers......january 7, 2006:

happy new year everyone!!!!! oh wait...its march now huh? oh well....

its march already???? my god that was fast. anyway, enough of this jibba jabba.....

lets just say i hate kobe.....

the first half was really up and down. the lakers started off by taking a 9 point lead in the first quarter and then the clippers came back to take a 7 point lead heading into the half. in the third quarter, the clippers were up by 13 points at one point. that's when my tummy started to feel funny. not haha funny....more like that feeling you get after seeing a picture of carrot top...

folks....he's not wearing underwear!!!! that's just disgusting. yup....that's exactly how i felt.

this picture is almost as sexy as star jones wearing a thong bikini!!! i have a picture of that too, but i can only subject you to one nasty picture per blog.

so back to the game.....the clippers are up by 13 at this point, so i can afford to run to the bathroom to take a dump. of course its not just a regular dump, its crazy diarrhea. its like a broken levee in new orleans....it just wouldnt stop. too soon or not cool??? i think im gonna go with both.

the whole time im in the crapper, kobe decides to go off on the clippers. i didnt write that on purpose either.....it just came out. he scores 40 of his 50 points in the second half. lets just say he pretty much beat the clippers himself.

so in honor of kobe bryant.....

i put jen in the kobe hold. she was able to get out of it, but luckily for me, she didnt press charges.

im sorry, did i say kobe? i meant "mamba". seriously.....how gay of a nickname is that???? and he gave it to himself too!!!!

supposedly, mamba is some sort of a snake that attacks without warning and has no mercy for its victims. i guess that girl in colorado felt the wrath of the "mamba". i kid i kid.....

when i hear mamba, i only think of one thing.....

okay...if you're as good as kobe is, you can give yourself a nickname. but don't abuse that power by picking a gay name like that.

to help kobe out with restoring his image, i decided to help him out with some cool nicknames:

• "the tightwalker" (cause he wears tights to play basketball and i heard he's tight with his money. okay, i made the last part up.)
• "the black ballerina" (again, cause he wears tights to play basketball and he is so graceful on the court.)
• "therapist" (cause he plays mind games with the opposing players and hes a rapist.)

i like "therapist" the best. i think its catchy. if i were kobe, i would go with the last one.

oh....after the game, i realized why i had diarrhea. it was just a mild case of food poisoning. just a 103 degree fever and non-stop diarrhea. too bad it wasn't 98 degrees and rising. overall....good times!

how did i get sick you ask? jen, shirley, lisa, wally, and i went to eat sushi the day before at this fucking place called "sushi cafe"......

its located on colorado in old town pasadena. take a good look at this picture. if you ever walk by it, do not go in. if you decide to go ahead and eat there, dont blame me if you get sick, i tried to warn you!

that was pretty much the game. but before i leave, i want to post a conversation i had with jen during the game:

jen: who's gonna win rookie of the year?

john: chris paul.

jen: who does he play for?

john: new orleans.

jen: new orleans???

john: the hornets. they moved to new orleans. charlotte has a new team.

jen: really??? they have a new team name? what is it?

john: ill give you a hint. its an animal.

jen: uh....i dont know.

john: okay, it has two parts to its name. one part is the nickname of one of the players on the team. the other part is a human name.

jen: uhhhh.....i don't know.

john: fine. what is cuttino mobley's nickname?

jen: uhhh.....i don't know.

john: cat....cat mobley!!!

jen: tomcat???

john: no, close. it starts with a "b".

jen: bearcat???

john: nope, but closer.

jen: i know! boris-cat????

john: yeah....boris-cat. its bobcat!

jen: ohhhhhhhh.....haha. im so retarded! john, you are so sexy and smart. i am so lucky to find someone as hot and sexy as you. did i mention you are far superior than any guy i know? intellectually and physically....

john: i did not know that, but thank you.

okay, i made the last part up. peace out!