free agency....

tonight was our semifinal softball game, which we lost 15-11. i dont think we would have lost if i was batting higher in the order. okay, so i went 0-3 with a strikeout. nonetheless, i believe my skills are being wasted at the bottom of the lineup. now that the season is over, i am comtemplating whether or not i should offer my services to the highest bidder. i need a team that is willing to pay me top dollar for my services. who else can strikeout or pop up better than me? i mean i do it with such sexyness and flair! yeah....i didnt think so!

im in the prime of my career and i believe its just time for me to move on. i wish nothing but the best for nuts and bolts. thank you for giving me the opportunity to play every wednesday. unfortunately, i just have to do this.

here is a list of things i will expect in my contract from my next team:

-guaranteed batting clean-up
-private jet
-massage after every game
-$25 million per season
-snickerdoodles before every game
-breast milk to go with the snickerdoodles

i think this is pretty reasonable. its the going rate for a player with my experience and skill.

one last thing....RIP Captain America!