free agency....
tonight was our semifinal softball game, which we lost 15-11. i dont think we would have lost if i was batting higher in the order. okay, so i went 0-3 with a strikeout. nonetheless, i believe my skills are being wasted at the bottom of the lineup. now that the season is over, i am comtemplating whether or not i should offer my services to the highest bidder. i need a team that is willing to pay me top dollar for my services. who else can strikeout or pop up better than me? i mean i do it with such sexyness and flair! yeah....i didnt think so!
im in the prime of my career and i believe its just time for me to move on. i wish nothing but the best for nuts and bolts. thank you for giving me the opportunity to play every wednesday. unfortunately, i just have to do this.
here is a list of things i will expect in my contract from my next team:
-guaranteed batting clean-up
-private jet
-massage after every game
-$25 million per season
-snickerdoodles before every game
-breast milk to go with the snickerdoodles
i think this is pretty reasonable. its the going rate for a player with my experience and skill.
one last thing....RIP Captain America!
tonight was our semifinal softball game, which we lost 15-11. i dont think we would have lost if i was batting higher in the order. okay, so i went 0-3 with a strikeout. nonetheless, i believe my skills are being wasted at the bottom of the lineup. now that the season is over, i am comtemplating whether or not i should offer my services to the highest bidder. i need a team that is willing to pay me top dollar for my services. who else can strikeout or pop up better than me? i mean i do it with such sexyness and flair! yeah....i didnt think so!
im in the prime of my career and i believe its just time for me to move on. i wish nothing but the best for nuts and bolts. thank you for giving me the opportunity to play every wednesday. unfortunately, i just have to do this.
here is a list of things i will expect in my contract from my next team:
-guaranteed batting clean-up
-private jet
-massage after every game
-$25 million per season
-snickerdoodles before every game
-breast milk to go with the snickerdoodles
i think this is pretty reasonable. its the going rate for a player with my experience and skill.
one last thing....RIP Captain America!
Labels: capt. america, puppy lake, softball
posted by John at 11:09 PM
3 Comments:
Make sure you a get a no-trade clause in your contract. You don't want your new team to eventually trade you to your league's equivalent of Canada.
i agree with jim, you might be shipped off to another team, one that might have a really annoying player on the team, who never shuts up and almost gets thrown out of a friendly league game....just saying
Excuse me sir. If you suck so bad, why are you even playing softball? Why don't you just give up and make everyone happy?
Thank you very much.
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